Today we begin a new series on newlyweds. Whether you got married this summer or have been married for decades, some of the lessons from early marriage are worth revisiting and helpful in strengthening any marriage.
A new husband recently confided that his wife was a different person before they got married. I told him, “Guess what? You are probably not the person she thought you were, either!” Many new brides and grooms are shocked to discover that their spouses are not the person they married. They ask, “Why isn’t my husband/wife the person I thought he/she was?”
That beautiful angel you married turns out to be a real woman. She has flaws that weren’t previously apparent. You discover to your shock that she has the capacity to express a range of emotions not seen before. You hadn’t felt that hot edge of her temper nor the cold, steely glare she now feels free to display.
The man of your dreams that you married now turns out to be a real person too. He may not be as perfect as once thought. He may handle things in ways that you find inefficient, and isn’t interested in your suggestions about how to do them differently — even though, from your viewpoint, your ways are obviously superior. You might be wondering, “What happened to the guy I used to know? Did he change, or did I just see him differently then?”
Marriage changes everyone! We all are constantly changing as individuals. The Wedding is a major milestone in life that we look forward to. Reaching that landmark does not only change the way we see ourselves, but also changes how others view us thereafter. Whether you had known each other for years or met each other for the first time at the wedding ceremony, it is a life-changing incident for all.
Attraction between opposites before marriage can be repulsion thereafter. What was cute once can now be irritating. The talker is drawn to a listener, but now are having communication problems. What seemed like a match made in heaven has suddenly turned out to be a living hell.
Before the wedding, differences seem to be intriguing, interesting, and attractive. After the wedding, the same differences are annoying, frustrating and disheartening. A few months or years after the wedding, however, what seemed so inviting in the semi-fantasy world of pre-marriage now seems considerably less than idyllic.
The rose-colored glasses through which we saw each other before marriage, suddenly comes off once you are married. You simply cannot see each other in the same away ever again. Is this deception? Not quite. It’s more like ‘selective expression.’ He behaved in a way that he figured would increase your likelihood of saying, “yes.” He put his best foot and shiniest shoe forward.
All couples have a set of expectations of their mates and from the marriage. We tend to think that our partners never have any or assume that they perfectly match with each other. Building strong marriages requires more than mere feeling, but it takes real hardcore commitment. Marital adjustment is crucial in creating a new togetherness in marriage.